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Life is full of so many different moments that it’s really hard to comprehend. Each of which is so valuable, but too often we loose sight of that. However as valuable it is, it isn’t everlasting. The bad and the good moments can change in instant. The happiest moment of your life can turn to the worst in a second, and vice versa. I take every moment for granted, but I think all of us do to some extent. We forget that we aren’t guaranteed the next breathe yet think it’s safe to leave the best for tomorrow. I am truly blessed for every moment in my life. Good or bad because I know if I am blessed with another, it might just be better than all before it. I heard this quote somewhere but I think it fits the message, “Every time the Sun grazes the surface, it finds a different world.” Things change, people change, everything changes, but Thank God for your grace which is present in every moment.

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Eternity is hard thing to grasp, I can’t even grasp what it is to live a lifetime. That thought alone is kinda scary to think about, but to think about living an eternity in hell is absolutely terrifying. A place where one suffers the worst pain of all and it never ends, just a vicious repetition.

After a recent health scare I began thinking about the afterlife. I began to think how wonderful it would be to be with God all the time, and how scary it would be to be in hell. Those thoughts lead me to think about my life as it is, and how it’s been lived. I definitely don’t deserve to go to heaven, but Thank Jesus Christ that I am forgiven of my sins! However, that fear of not going to heaven had me shaking because I knew that the pain I feel now is nothing compared to the pain one would experience in hell. These thoughts kinda gave me an understanding of what it says in the Bible about fearing the lord is the beginning of understanding.

Fearing the Lord is understanding that He is the creator of all and the ruler of all, but most importantly, he is the only one who has the right to judge us. He is the only one who can truly say what we do and don’t deserve. No one on earth can ever judge me, they can try but never will it be productive or effective. His judgment is what decides where you spend eternity, which can be described as the same length of time it would take an eagle, that scraped the top of the tallest mountain every 2,000 years, to bring it down to the ground. The fear of suffering that long is just one of many reasons why I gave my life to Christ.

I understand a bit more what it is to fear the Lord, but I should remember that his love is the most important thing. That judgment is a result of the life we live on earth, and like any decision we make, we must accept the consequences. If I chose to live a life in his love than I’ll gladly accept the reaction. I forgot where I heard this but, I would rather live a life for Christ, die and find out I was wrong, then to live a life against him to find out it was true all along.

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Love is something that’s been spoken,
Yet rarely understood.
We scream it from hilltops,
Express it in every action.
Oh how little we know.
Is it in our minds, or in our hearts?
Such questions aren’t a necessity.
I don’t care why I love you, or
Where it’s basis is derived in me.
All I care about is you.
Your Love is simple, and
Above all else vastly graceful.
Through your Love,
I can experience the world differently.
I can begin to appreciate everything,
More importantly, everyone.
Thanks for putting so much effort,
For showing me what true love is.

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I grazed the high seas,
Stirring the night sky.
Full of life, spirited
And determined.
Moving anxiously, searching
The open water.
Catching a bright light,
In such darkness.
Only still and silent,
Weighted by transient aspiration.
I sense that cold,
Terrible depth.
Wandering the gray,
Admiring such beauty.

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About a month ago I gave my life to Christ. I was aware of who Jesus was all my life because I grew up in church, but it wasn’t until recently that I had come to know who Christ truly is.

I don’t remember much of my childhood, or much of anything before going off to college. It’s all really a giant blur. Most memories come and go just as fast as they did in real life, never staying present for more than a few hours at best. So finding this love has given me a feeling of starting anew.

Before accepting Christ, I spent most of time giving my soul to things that really left me feeling empty and unsatisfied. Not because they were bad or wrong, but for the reason they became what I was living for. I made weed, cigarettes, friends, women, sex, politics, my career, music, etc. the center of my world. I made every decision based on each of these things, constantly seeking their approval. For awhile there I even tried using God’s name as justification for my actions thinking that if I said he approved, that he would approve. All of this really left me with the feeling that I was the center of my universe and that everyone was blessed to know who I was. In reality I was a fool.

After struggling, with what can only be described as depression, I began searching for the one thing I had been running away from my whole life. I began searching for Christ. So I felt like a child, knowing very little and having to learn how to walk, talk, think, and act all over again. However, very much unlike a child, I didn’t have the same innocence. I knew when I had sinned against God, and sometimes chose to do it willfully. Afterward I would cry out to Jesus seeking forgiveness to feel good again. However never did I cry out to him wholeheartedly. I only did it for myself. I thought I had moved on from living for myself by saying I was living for God. I was still a fool.

After some time I started my search again, and thanks to my Mother’s advice, I began searching for wisdom by reading Proverbs. I was reading a proverb a day, and trying to understand each word to the fullest. I would read and then re-read, pray and be done. Yet I didn’t understand jack! I still felt like a fool because I was here trying to gain wisdom but ended asking more questions then finding answers. I was asking God, Why can’t I find you? Why do I feel like this? Still not understanding what it really meant to live for Christ. Then I was advised to read a blog post and an interview by D.M. Kensrue. In this article he talks about worshiping Jesus and how it’s not really all about music. That we are constantly worshiping every second and how sometimes it’s not always God that were worshiping. It’s a great read and I’ll post these links at the end of this post. But something he said put things in perspective. Living for Christ meant making him the center of my universe. Basing every decision on his desire, rather than my own desire. It seems like a very easy concept, but up until now did I realize that I was putting my trust and faith in myself rather than Christ.

Which all of this leads me to now. I am not perfect, thankfully I don’t have to be. I am who I am because this is who God created me to be. Thankfully, I can move on from being the center of my universe and just allow God’s love and grace to guide me. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for me, and through him I have found an everlasting joy. Life isn’t easy, and even now I know many problems will arise, but I no longer have to rely on myself. I can rely on my creator and savior, I can rely on Jesus Christ.

Cheers!

Links:

http://dmkensrue.tumblr.com/post/11906990929/confessions-of-an-idol-worshipper-part-1

http://theindiespiritualist.com/2011/10/19/the-passion-of-dustin-kensrue-an-interview-with-the-frontman-of-thrice/

Quote

"Faith … is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods."

- C.S. Lewis